Life is busy. Stupid busy. If you are a parent, multiply that by a thousand. I have six kids, teens to toddlers, and basically, every day is a nonstop wheel of drop-offs, pickups, picking up stuff, feeding people, and laundry. And through all of that, as a parent, I am supposed to be leading my family in faith. I am supposed to be a model of what it means to be a disciple of Jesus Christ. Prayer isn't optional. It is vital. . . and yet, that is not always/ever easy. Here are some of the ways we try to make time for prayer in our home.
Make an Appointment
I love Fr. Michael Scanlon's short book, Appointment with God. It is a treasure. In it, Fr. Scanlon gives a model for prayer that I have found to be very helpful. He also makes it clear that to pray daily, in a way that allows your relationship with God to grow in a meaningful way, it is best to make an appointment with the Lord. Keep that appointment just like you would an appointment to meet with any other person. Fr. Mike recommends an hour of daily prayer. And I have to tell you, an hour of daily prayer is fantastic.
Wait! Don't stop reading!
I know, I know, an hour sounds so far from the realm of possibility that I might as well be asking you to find a quiet place on the surface of Mars to go to each day. I get it, an hour is a lot. So, let's call that our stretch goal.
What's The Smallest Increment of Time you Can Commit to?
Far too often, we start on the wrong side of habit-forming. We try to carve out the most time we can for something like daily prayer, and then invariably, we don't make the goal. And after multiple attempts, we call it a failure and move on. But, what if we took it from the other side. What if you were only allowed to set an appointment for the smallest increment of time? A ridiculous allotment. Instead of committing to an hour, right off the bat, instead, try a minute. I am going to make an appointment to one minute of prayer at the same time, every day.
Everyone has a minute. And with very little planning, we can stick a solid minute into our morning or evening routine. You may be thinking, "Chris, what is the point of a minute? It is too small?" And you are right. The point is that it is too small. If you only allow yourself the minute for the first week, maybe two weeks, what will happen is you may very well want more time. A daily appointment has been established. The hard work is done. Now all you have to do is add a little more time.
But what about the kids?
As a dad, I have just come to accept that if I am going to pray, work out, or generally do something for myself, I need to do it at a time when the family doesn't need me. So, I go to the gym at 5 AM (and now my 15 yr old goes with me.) My daily prayer needs to happen around 8:30 AM. If I get to the office early, and I can spend a half-hour before work. But, even that doesn't work every day. On Tuesday and Thursday, I am pretty blessed to be able to drop my elementary kids at school, and hang out with our youngest two, while my wife gets her gym time in. So, on those days, I get into the office at 9 AM. So, I try to spend the 15 minutes after work, before I step into the maelstrom of the family afternoon, praying.
My wife typically tries to carve five to 15 minutes at the start of the day to spend in prayer with her daily bible. Coffee, and Jesus. She sneaks downstairs before anyone else is awake, makes her coffee, and sits in the corner of the couch. To be clear, often during the time when no one else is awake, the toddler is very much awake. That kid has ears like a bat. I am not sure he ever actually sleeps. He just lies there waiting. So, while she is in her bible, he is in his crib upstairs, not so patiently, waiting. That's ok. It's ok for him to wait. The appointment is essential.
Nap-time is another excellent place for the parents of small children to spend some time with the Lord. The difficulty is that by nap-time, the day has begun. Inevitably, there are a million things that have been waiting for attention. Making time for prayer here requires a conscious decision to let everything else just sit. It is an act of trust. Lord, the world will keep spinning, and there is nothing on my to-do list that can not wait for thirty minutes. And honestly, how often is there something so pressing that a thirty-minute pause is going to have any effect at all?
(A Note from my wife, Christina: The Car! Now that the kids are older, I spend a lot of time in the car. Sometimes, when I am waiting for an older kid, and the little ones are sleeping, it is the perfect place.)
Remember Who it is You are Trying to Spend time With
I love my wife. I cherish the times we get to spend alone. I always have. But now dates are a thing we have to fight for. Because of that, sometimes it can feel like they have to be perfect. But here, is the situation, one of my favorite dates from back before we were married, involved walking around Target (she swears it was a Super K.) I can't remember why we were there, but we ended up buying a Neil Diamond Greatest Hits CD, and a bottle of overly sweet wine. We went back and listened to the CD, and had a glass of wine. It was not anything special. The wine was not good. It was not super romantic. It was just so wonderful being together.
Now that life is busy, and we have half a dozen kids, date night can seem so important. I have to remind myself that once upon a time, the target date (she still insists it was Super K) was enough. And truth be told, one of my favorite things to do, even to this day, is just wander around Costco with my wife.
Why am I telling you this? Because prayer is a date with God. He loves you. Yes, it is nice to go on elaborate, romantic dates. But it is also really nice to wander around Target. It is easy to put too much pressure on ourselves to plan a perfect prayer time. It is too easy to think that if I don't pray an entire rosary, divine mercy chaplet, levitate a little, and then end by reading the liturgy of the hours in Latin, that I didn't do it right. And the Father, who loves me, is there like, "Hey, I appreciate all the effort, but I really just want to spend time with you."
Keep at it
In all sincerity, this is not something I am a master at. I am working to be better at being consistent with my own daily time of prayer. Far too often, I walk away from a time that was supposed to be intimately spent with the Lord, feeling distracted and detached. It is too easy in those moments to call it a failure. I confessed this once to a priest and shared this simple reflection with me that has been a constant encouragement ever since,
Lord, I don't know that what I am doing pleases you, But I know that my trying pleases you.
It is a paraphrase of line from Thomas Merton's prayer.
I believe that the desire to please you does, in fact, please you.
It is a sentiment that we need to keep close to our hearts. No parent is angered at their child's attempt to show them love. Even when correction is necessary, the love is never lessened. Finding time for prayer is hard. So, start small. Start simply. Trust the one you are seeking to love, is the one who first loved you.