Is it me?

On the night before he died, Jesus gathered with the twelve to celebrate the Passover. Then, while they were eating, Jesus said to the Apostles, 

Amen, one of you will betray me.

It is clear from the apostle's reactions that his declaration caught everyone off guard. Immediately they are in a panic. The New American Bible translates their words as, "Surely, it is not I Lord." The Douay Rheims, however, renders the same phrase to "Is it I, Lord?" Either way, It is clear that the apostles, far from ignoring Jesus' words, were upset by them.

That is interesting. Judas was the only one planning on betraying Jesus. He had actually made a plan to turn Jesus over to the temple guards and had already accepted payment for it. Judas had every reason to feel accused and to be sorrowful. 

The other guys had done none of that. Their consciences were clear. 

And yet, they do what Judas should have. They are sorrowful. They are concerned. They are worried. "Is it I, Lord?"

As we hear the passion of our Lord, I think we need to have the same mindset. Is it me? Am I the one who is going to betray you, Lord? 

Sin is just that; it is a betrayal of the Lord. I hope that there is no one reading this who is planning on betraying the Lord. I hope that our hearts are set against it. But, like the apostles, in humility, we need to hear the Lord's words, and we need to fear what they feared. We need to be on guard against the possibility of sin, knowing that all too often, we fall.

While the other apostles react in sorrow, Judas chooses to deceit. Remember, he has been caught and called out. He has an opportunity to repent. That may very well be the reason that Jesus brings it up. But, Judas does not take the lifeline. Instead, he feigns innocence. 

Do you see the contrast? The Apostles are repentant even for a sin they had not committed. They show humility. 

Judas fails to repent, even when he is called out for something he has already done, demonstrating the worst kind of arrogance.

As we reflect on the last supper, I am pausing here for a moment. Am I overly confident in my goodness? Or worse, am I unrepentant for something I have done? If so, I am headed for a fall. The Apostles loved Jesus, but they had no illusions about themselves. They knew to take Jesus' words to heart, and they reacted with humility. We need to do the same.